Can you forgive without forgetting

It saves friendships and restores our faith in our kids. And we definitely benefit from it when those in our lives are able to forgive us when we inevitably screw up. There is great value in mastering the skill of forgiving but not forgetting.

Taking good care of ourselves requires regular forgiveness of others. Remember, we do it for us, not for them. You feel off. We've heard of the "year of yes," now it's time to learn the right time and way to say no to maintain self-care and give room for mental wellness. Instructions For each item, indicate how much you agree or disagree with the statement. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam.

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Look for signs of tension like clenched fists, jaw, or shoulders. Using relaxation techniques such as deep breathing can make recalling easier. Consider meeting with counselor or therapist if recalling is overwhelming.

If remembering makes you extremely anxious or upset, a counselor can help you cope. Share or write down what happened. It may help to share what happened and the pain that it caused with a trusted friend. Another option is writing it down and then throwing it away. Recognize your pain, anger, and hurt, so then you can move on.

Empathize with the person who hurt you. Imagine what might have caused the person to behave that way. Was the person acting out of fear or pain? Did he have a lapse in judgment or make a bad decision? Be the interviewer and then answer as if you were the other person. It makes it easier for you to forgive someone if you view him as a person who makes mistakes, rather than an evildoer or monster. Think altruistically.

At one time or another, everyone has wronged someone. Think about a time you acted selfishly, angrily or hurtful toward a friend, teacher, sibling, or parent. What happened? What were your motivations? How did your actions affect the other person? Picture the person that you hurt forgiving you. What does her forgiveness feel like for you? Turn your attention to the person who wronged you. Imagine that your forgiveness is a gift for the person who hurt you.

For example, perhaps you remember a time you acted selfishly. Maybe you told a lie about you friend, causing that friend to get blamed for cheating on a test.

Your motivation was to avoid getting into trouble again with your teacher, but you ended up punishing your friend instead. Maybe you felt guilty but were too embarrassed to take responsibility at the time. Try imagining your friend telling you, "I was upset with you but I've moved on.

I have no ill will towards you. I forgive you. Focus on how it feels to give a gift of forgiveness. You do not have to actually present your gift of forgiveness to the other person. By symbolically doing it, you start to release your anger and resentment. Make a gesture of forgiveness. Create a letter, a certificate of forgiveness, or something physical that reminds you of your decision to forgive. Write the letter as if the person who hurt you was going to read it, even though she may never see it.

Include how you felt before, during and after the event. Write about the wrongdoer and what her motivations might have been for hurting you. Be sure to write about your choice to forgive and how your life will be now that you are free of resentment.

I've lived in fear and anger for a long time. The anger consumed me and affected many parts of my life. You have to live with your choices. Today I am moving on. I'm taking control of my life and have freed myself of my anger towards you. Hold on to forgiveness. Memories of the wrong will surface even after you have made the choice to forgive. Acknowledge these memories rather than hiding from them. Interrupt the thoughts related to vengeance and self-pity.

For example, if remembering what happened makes you angry, vengeful, or bitter, tell yourself, "I made a choice to forgive. You're emotionally free. Rewrite your story. Keep a journal of your negative thoughts related to the hurtful event, and rewrite your thoughts based on your commitment to forgiveness. Make four columns.

What belief or fear is driving your thinking? Things like this always happen to me. Part 3. Learn from what happened. Remember what was done to you so you can grow from it. Think about the hurtful event.

What lessons can you learn? Were there any warning signs?