I will be taking this to a therapist and enjoying the rest of my life more! It really touches us to hear from people that our articles help. And great decision re therapist. All the best, HT. Hi there, definitely sounds like issues with guilt. And also communication, because sounds like you are making assumptions about why your dad was quiet and what he was thinking.
For all you know he was just feeling quiet, or was quiet because he was worried you were happy. The only way to know would be to have an open conversation with him about this.
As for always feeling guilty and worried what others think and why you might always jump to worst conclusions, if your mother always criticised you that would definitely do it. You see what you are doing is criticising yourself now, in your head. In summary, sounds like you are stressed. And sounds there is a lot to talk about and you need some support. Is there someone you could talk to about all this? A counsellor at school? Would your dad be willing to help you find a therapist to talk to?
Nothing really bad happened to me, my parents are happy, I have two great best friends, but I always feel so guilty for every little thing I do. I asked someone for help and then did it on my own and I felt too guilty for not using there help to tell them I finished it on my own.
Also I forgot to mention that every time something wrong happens even something small I always jump to the worst conclusion. I have dream of dying and getting hurt, not nightmares, dreams.
Is that wrong? On one hand you are a teen, a time many of us feel anxious or depressed as life is changing fast and we are figuring out who we are. We wonder though, do you feel comfortable talking to your Mother about this? Does she know you feel guilty about things? If not, what is stopping you? What sort of relationship do you have? Do you feel that you have to make her happy? Do you have someone to talk to? Cognitive behavioural therapy CBT would be useful.
So there is what we call black and white thinking here. Life is actually never black or white. Again, CBT therapy would be perfect, it helps with this sort of distorted thinking. Does one of your parents have anxiety or think like this? Is can be a learned behaviour. Or a personality trait, some of us are naturally dramatic. Particularly when teens, with our brains still growing and hormones raging.
You might just have never learned to think in different ways. But you can learn. Use the search bar on our site to find our pieces on assumptions, perspective, and black and white thinking. I feel sick with guilt for no reason sometimes and I feel like I have anxiety attacks when I do something that might disappoint my parents because I am meant to be a role model to my younger sisters, and when I do something it eats away at me for about 2 weeks at most.
Hi there. Sounds like a lot of pressure. Do your parents know that their expectations are causing you this much upset? It does sound like you have anxiety. If you were able to access counselling, it would be helpful. Guilt and worry. Hard to process — like the caretaking roles are skewed.
So much worry about the things to come, how long left, have I done enough, am I good enough, what is wrong with me? All these questions, constantly. It takes a toll on other relationships too. It is clear even from this comment that you are doing your very best.
This can get lost in family caretaking. We get so used to placing our own needs last we forget that our own needs even matter. You still have the right to a life.
And the truth is the more you can carve out some self care, the better it will actually be for her. Are you still living at home with family? Do you have any independence yet? Sometimes that helps, when we finally get to make some decisions for ourselves. Do you have trusted friends? Someone to talk to? Are there any support groups? Do look for online forums. I got abused from multiple stepfathers as a child, mainly psychological and emotional abuse.
I had to deal with all her problems as a child, my problems were non existent, she was sometimes aggressive, twisted the truth to make me look like the bad guy, I remember when I was 8 years old and she stripped me naked, put me in the backgarden and tried to shout over the girls from next door and she just laughed. She clearly got a thrill out of it. I witnessed her going through Domestic Violence as a child too.
I think I may of been sexually abused by one of my cousins, he was 14 and I was 8. I never spoke as a child as I was always afraid and to this day I still am, I just hide it alot. I got bullied throughout primary and secondary, I was homeless by What can I do, please can you help, this is messing with my life.
Hi Callum. Sounds to us like you have far more self awareness than you give yourself credit for. So first of all, recognise that you are not helpless and a victim here, but a smart adult with a lot of resources, like the ability to recognise when they are upset and not managing. This is your big, messy, complicated and beautiful life, not something someone can sort out for you over a comment box in a few brief sentences.
But you are brave enough to write this up, so we are sure you are brave enough to make that choice. When we have to please adults around us to survive we can end up feeling confused and with a fluid identity as an adult.
A therapist can help you recognise your own thoughts and feelings, learn who you are, and make powerful choices that create the life you now want for yourself. If you are a student, check to see if your school offers free or low cost counselling. We wish you courage. And when i offend them, i expect that hey will never forgive me till eternity.
I am a good friend, does everything to help without expecting a return but with just one wrong move, they kick me out to the bin.
Not the recycle bin because it has a restore function. Theirs have none. As such, despite the torment it brings to those who suffer it, it might, paradoxically and, again, unconsciously , be reassuring for someone whose real neurosis is that she feels her identity is so mobile and shifting that she can never quite be sure where she stands.
If this is what chiefly concerns her, then one might envisage her guilt as a feeling that tells her who she is, by virtue of telling her who she is failing to be for others. Who is the liberal? She who suffers on account of those who suffer more than she. I know whereof I speak. To her critics, the liberal really is guilty. For critics of the guilty liberal, in other words, feeling guilty is part of the problem, rather than the solution. And yet this criticism is itself subject to the same accusation.
Once again, therefore, in the case of liberal guilt, we encounter a feeling so devilishly slippery that it repeats the problem in the course of confessing it. Because there is, of course, a form of guilt that does not inspire us to act, but prevents us from acting. This type of guilt takes the uncertainty of our relations with others and our responsibility for others and turns them into an object of certainty and knowledge.
Shame, in fact, could well be a more accurate appellation for what motivates the guilty liberal in her public and private self-condemnations. The Italian philosopher Giorgio Agamben suggests that subjective innocence belongs to a bygone age, the age of the tragic hero. Oedipus, for example, is someone whose objective guilt parricide, incest is matched by the subjective innocence of the man who acts before he knows.
Today, however, says Agamben, we find the opposing situation: modern man is objectively innocent for he has not, like Oedipus, murdered with his own hands , but subjectively guilty he knows that his comforts and securities have been paid for by someone, somewhere, probably in blood.
For what many a modern man is guilty of is less his actions than his addiction to a version of knowledge that seems to have inhibited his capacity for action. As such, the religious assignation of man as sinner — a fallen, abject, endlessly compromised, but also active, effective and changeable creature — begins to look comforting by comparison.
Such a view also shares much in common with a certain psychoanalytic conception of guilt as a blocked form of aggression or anger toward those we need and love God, parents, guardians, whomever we depend on for our own survival.
But if guilt is the feeling that typically blocks all other buried, repressed, unconscious feelings, that is not in itself a reason to block feelings of guilt. Feelings, after all, are what you must be prepared to feel if they are to move you, or if you are to feel something else. Main illustration by A Richard Allen.
By Devorah Baum. This empathy just needs to be directed to the right places — and importantly, never at the expense of your own wellbeing. Created with Sketch. Why do I feel so guilty for no reason? You struggle to negotiate, and find it difficult to ask for raises at work You struggle delegating as feel uncomfortable asking for support How to stop feeling guilty all the time Guilt serves a purpose — it shows us where we went wrong.
Start your therapy journey today Get matched to a psychologist, and have your first therapy session the same day. Get Started. Online Therapy — The Future of Psychology? All the research says that good leaders , for example, should be strong, brave, and confident in their choices — not self-critical and apologetic.
Guilt, as subtle as it may be, is a pervasive emotion that many of us experience daily. Others argue that guilt is a complete waste of time, but we should not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Guilt can be a sign of a functional moral compass. For example, if, in a fit of rage, you call your colleague a useless snollygoster and put salt in his extra large, nonfat, double decaf mochaccino, feeling guilty is probably quite an appropriate emotion, and hopefully, it will prevent you from similar shenanigans in the future.
On the weekends, we feel guilty about not calling our friends or hanging out with our friends instead of our mothers. During the Covid lockdown, we felt guilty about not learning three new languages, and instead spending time on the couch binging our favorite TV series, which were really not even enjoyable thanks to the nagging voices in our heads reminding us that we should be learning Mandarin.
We believe that our successes and our failures are completely due to our own actions , or lack thereof. Hence the reason we are not successful must be that we are not working hard enough or still on our sofa with our favorite series. The pressure to excel at work is ON, but we also expect more and more of ourselves on other fronts: our social life omgfriendshipgoals , our family life, our health, our looks, everything. It can slowly chip away at our self-esteem , making it more difficult to pursue goals or to move on after setbacks.
If left unchecked, it may even result in a range of physical manifestations including anxiety and insomnia. The guilt we feel about not being a perfect employee or a perfect friend or a perfect anything is partially imposed by society, but the other part is also very clearly self-imposed.
Since it seems that for the most part, you are your own judge, you can also set yourself free. I declare the defendant not guilty your honor! As four strong women with interesting career trajectories including CEO and senior banker , we were plagued by guilt for many years, and perfectly aware that it was draining our energy.
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